Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Centauri

The inhabitants of Alpha Centauri have no words for "seven" or "eight"; when they count they say, "One, two, three, four, five, six, six, six, nine, ten." Generally, however, they don't count for much.

Alpha Centaurians speak with heavy Russian accents and closely resemble small dachshunds. Because of this comical and lovable appearance, they were able to stealthily infiltrate our former planet and gradually enslave its population.

They can breathe under alcohol but have been unable, alas, to teach this skill to humans. Every Centaurian can play the theremin. They send a spaceship from their planet every year to collect their tribute from Earth, which consists of the fingernail and toenail clippings of the entire human population. These are returned to the home planet, where they are considered a delicacy, sautéed with just a hint of coriander.

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